I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
