i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
