I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
