I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
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