that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
