im six kinds of drunk right now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
