How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
