I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Someone signed my nipple.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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