i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
