Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize