So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
