What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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