4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
