I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize