Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
