yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
