so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
