I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
