I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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