life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
