worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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