i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
