Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Damn victory sex feels great
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
