ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
