As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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