Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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