Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
