she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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