I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
birth control should be required to get into college
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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