she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
