Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
