So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize