I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
