Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
