i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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