He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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