I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
