Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When are your genitals available?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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