I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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