apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
