Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
