I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We have so much sex to catch up on
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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