I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
