Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
