That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
