Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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