we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
