Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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