dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
