Your face is a jimmy john
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
