Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
