I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize