I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i will never coherently bang her
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
