Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
