So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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