im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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