Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We left an ass print on the piano.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
