question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
