I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
