don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
