i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
