How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
