I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
