I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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