Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
