Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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