She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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