What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
