I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
