I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
