that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
