He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize