I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please, let me fuck your mom
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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