Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
